Ep209 - Do You Have the Right to Die? The Love Story Inside Dementia Catch-22 with guest Erica Baccus
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In this deeply moving episode of *HIListically Speaking*, host Hilary Russo sits down with Erica Baccus, whose memoir *A Promise Kept, Honoring His Wishes, Embracing Our Love* recounts her journey alongside her husband John as he faced dementia. After 41 years of marriage, John was diagnosed with cognitive impairment consistent with Alzheimer’s in 2020. Despite his clear desire to die on his own terms—fearing a life without his mind or identity—U.S. laws, which require terminal illness and six-month prognosis, rendered him ineligible for end-of-life options. This created what Erica calls the 'dementia catch-22.' Determined to honor John’s wishes, she researched and ultimately arranged for him to die in Switzerland through Dignitas, where assisted dying is legal with mental capacity verification. The episode details the emotional, logistical, and ethical complexity of the process, including the isolation Erica felt, the support of her son, and the decision to keep the plan private until the last moment. Through her story, Erica advocates for open conversations about end-of-life choices, quality of life, and the profound dignity in choosing how and when to die—especially when faced with neurodegenerative disease. Her book is both a love letter to John and a call to action for families to plan ahead with compassion and clarity.
The 'dementia catch-22' exposes a legal gap: people with dementia cannot access assisted dying in the U.S. because they lack a terminal prognosis and mental capacity at the same time.
Open, early conversations about end-of-life wishes—especially around dementia—are essential to prevent future suffering and guilt.
Choosing to die on one’s own terms is not suicide; it’s a dignified, intentional act rooted in autonomy and love.
Support systems are vital, but caregivers often feel profoundly isolated—even when surrounded by love.
Writing and reflection can be powerful tools for healing after loss and processing complex grief.
…and 3 more takeaways available in PodZeus
The Right to Die: A Necessary Conversation
“Do you have a right to die? It's what my guest, Erica Backus calls the dementia catch 22.”
John’s Diagnosis and the Weight of His Wishes
“John did not want to live in a vegetative state. And with Alzheimer's, that's where you're going. There is no hope for cure.”
The Search for a Solution: Switzerland and Dignitas
“The thing about it is that you know it's going to be a premature death. In other words, my husband could have lived much longer.”
The Final Journey: Death in Switzerland
“He said, I told you why I have Swiss chocolates here. He reached over and he took a handful of chocolates and stuffed it in his mouth. And then he drank the drink.”
Healing, Legacy, and the Power of Choice
Erica discusses the aftermath—her grief, guilt, and eventual healing through writing. She reflects on her own mortality and her decision to consider the same path if she ever faces dementia. The episode closes with a call to action: have these conversations now, honor your values, and embrace the full spectrum of life—including its end.
“Grief is simply having love with nowhere to put it.”
“John did not want to live in a vegetative state. And with Alzheimer's, that's where you're going. There is no hope for cure.”
“We need to talk about death and dying as much as we talk about birth and life.”
Host
Guest
Erica Baccus
person
John Baccus
person
Hilary Russo
person
Alzheimer's Disease
other
Dignitas
organization
Caregiver
other
Son
other
Switzerland
place
Grief
other
Children
other
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