Return to New Zealand. Or Not.
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In this emotionally raw and introspective episode of 'It's a Drama Podcast,' Liz and Brian, a couple from New Zealand living in Canada while house-sitting, confront a pivotal decision: whether to return to their home in New Zealand after a year-long family journey of travel and healing following a profound family loss. While they’ve rented out their home and enjoyed the freedom of global exploration with their adult children, a growing tension has emerged. Brian feels a deep need to return to New Zealand to personally oversee essential maintenance tasks—deck oiling, boiler servicing, septic checks, and more—driven by his attachment to the property and the emotional weight of being a homeowner. Liz, however, resists the return, not out of indifference, but due to the psychological toll of revisiting a place tied to grief and trauma. She fears being overwhelmed by memories, emotional triggers, and the stress of re-engaging with a life she’s temporarily escaped. The episode unfolds as a candid, vulnerable dialogue, revealing how love, fear, and duty collide when two partners are not on the same page. Despite the emotional complexity, they emphasize that there is no 'wrong' decision—only one that aligns with their individual needs and emotional well-being. The podcast ends on a note of mutual respect and love, with the couple acknowledging that their journey is not about solving a problem, but about honoring their truth. Key takeaways include: 1) Emotional safety often outweighs practical necessity when making life decisions; 2) Shared experiences don’t erase individual emotional needs—especially in grief; 3) Letting go of control doesn’t mean abandonment—it can be an act of love; 4) The most meaningful decisions are those made with self-awareness, not guilt; and 5) Vulnerability in relationships is not weakness—it’s the foundation of deeper connection. The episode is a powerful reminder that love isn’t always about doing things together—it’s about understanding when to walk different paths, even if only for a while.
Emotional safety often outweighs practical necessity when making life decisions.
Shared experiences don’t erase individual emotional needs—especially in grief.
Letting go of control doesn’t mean abandonment—it can be an act of love.
The most meaningful decisions are those made with self-awareness, not guilt.
Vulnerability in relationships is not weakness—it’s the foundation of deeper connection.
The Weight of Home and the Fear of Return
“I don't want to go back because I don't want to get go back into you know just just things that are going to trigger me and things that are going to be okay.”
Brian’s Need to Reconnect with the Home
Brian explains his emotional and practical reasons for wanting to return—inspecting the property, ensuring maintenance tasks are done, and taking personal responsibility for a home he helped build. He emphasizes the importance of seeing things with his own eyes, especially for a lifestyle property with unique risks.
Liz’s Emotional Resistance and Fear
“It feels like I'm going out of my depth, out of my comfort zone, out of my... you know just everything about it just feels like it's gonna be hard.”
The Offer of Help and the Tipping Point
A turning point occurs when the current tenant offers to handle all maintenance tasks. This unexpected support challenges the necessity of Brian’s return. The couple debates whether paying someone is better than flying back, but the emotional weight of the decision remains.
The Power of Shared Grief and the Book That Changed Everything
“This book isn't actually for the person who's grieving to purchase this book. She said, it's for the person like you, Bri. It's for the person who is standing by.”
“You're not alone. I see you. I see you so, so much.”
“This book isn't actually for the person who's grieving to purchase this book. She said, it's for the person like you, Bri. It's for the person who is standing by.”
“I don't want to go back because I don't want to get go back into you know just just things that are going to trigger me and things that are going to be okay.”
Hosts
Liz
person
Brian
person
New Zealand
place
Canada
place
You Won't Just Cry When They Die
book
Nicole Khalil
person
UK
place
Australia
place
this is woman's work
media
Elizabeth Deakle
person
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