Healthy Sexuality After Addiction and Trauma

In this powerful episode of *Permission for Pleasure*, host Cindy Sharkey welcomes Vanessa Carlisle, co-author of *Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma*. The conversation centers on the profound challenges many people—especially women, non-binary individuals, and those in recovery—face in reconnecting with their sexuality after trauma and substance use. Vanessa explains how trauma and addiction often intertwine, leaving deep imprints on sexual identity and intimacy, and how the normalization of substances as a gateway to sex has left many without the tools to communicate desire, consent, or pleasure sober. The episode emphasizes that sexual healing isn't about quick fixes, but a slow, intentional process of sensory attunement, self-compassion, and dismantling the internalized shame that so often silences desire. Key themes include the importance of trauma-informed practices, the danger of self-blame, and the transformative power of community and curiosity. Vanessa shares that recovery isn't about perfection, but about building a new, authentic relationship with one’s body and pleasure—no matter where one is in their journey. The episode closes with a tender moment of shared vulnerability, as Cindy reflects on her own grief and finds gentle pleasure in the simple act of applying hand lotion. This serves as a poetic metaphor for the show’s core message: healing and delight are found not in grand gestures, but in small, mindful moments of presence. Vanessa’s work, both in the book and her broader practice, offers a radical invitation—to awaken, to feel, to be seen, and to reclaim pleasure as a birthright, not a privilege. The episode is a compassionate, deeply human call to stop punishing ourselves and instead begin the slow, sacred work of becoming curious about our own bodies and desires.