Intimacy and Sexuality for the Single Christian
The single Christian is not a second-class believer—this episode dismantles the myth that intimacy and sexual fulfillment are only available through marriage. Dr. Carol Tanksley, a widow and longtime single Christian, argues that God designed humans for deep connection, not just sex, and that Jesus himself—fully human yet celibate—modelled how to live with longing, desire, and intimacy without sexual activity. She exposes harmful church lies: that sex is the only path to intimacy, that single people are incomplete, or that marriage is the pinnacle of Christian life. Drawing from neuroscience, Scripture, and personal experience, she reveals that the deepest human need is to be seen and known, and that this can be met through God and healthy relationships. The solution isn't suppression, but stewardship: staying clean (guarding your inputs), staying connected (cultivating deep friendships), and staying consecrated (bringing every struggle to Jesus). This isn't just for singles—it’s a blueprint for all believers to live with integrity, purpose, and wholeness in a world that equates sexuality with identity.
Intimacy is not dependent on sex—neurobiologists confirm we all need to be seen, known, and cared for, regardless of relationship status.
Jesus was fully human with sexual desires but lived a life of deep intimacy with God and others without sex, making singleness a valid and holy vocation.
The lie that 'you must have sex to feel whole' is not biblical—Jesus, the most fully alive human, never married or had sex.
Single Christians are not 'second-class'—they are full participants in the body of Christ and can fulfill God’s purpose without marriage.
Healthy physical touch (like hugs) is vital and can be safe when rooted in consecration and accountability, not just desire.
…and 3 more takeaways available in PodZeus
The Unmet Need for Intimacy in the Church
“We all need intimacy regardless of relationship status. I needed intimacy in the 40 plus years before marriage, during marriage, and I still need it now that my husband has gone home to be with the Lord.”
Why This Topic Matters: The Hidden Majority of Singles
“50% plus of adults in the Christian church are not married... Where are the rest of the Christians, the single Christians? feeling kind of left out in the usual Christian church world.”
Sex vs. Intimacy: The Church’s Biggest Confusion
The episode unpacks the critical distinction between sex and intimacy. While God designed sex for marriage, intimacy—being seen, known, and cared for—is a universal human need that exists independently of sexual activity. Jesus modeled this deep connection without sex.
Jesus as the Model for Single Intimacy
“Jesus lived and breathed intimacy with his heavenly father. That wasn't just a nice to have. It was the air he breathed 24-7, 365.”
Healthy Ways to Handle Sexual Longings
The episode addresses how single Christians can steward their desires without acting out. Dr. Tanksley offers practical tools: urge surfing, asking 'What am I really craving?', and using non-sexual touch (like hugs) with accountability.
“That arousal energy in you, God put there for a very important reason. If you're not married, that doesn't result in sexual activities. That desire for union and connection with another ultimately was designed to point us to God.”
“We all need intimacy regardless of relationship status. I needed intimacy in the 40 plus years before marriage, during marriage, and I still need it now that my husband has gone home to be with the Lord.”
“he lived and breathed intimacy with his heavenly father. That wasn't just a nice to have. It was the air he breathed 24 -7, 365.”
Host
Guest
Jesus
person
Dr. Carol Tanksley
person
Jonathan Daugherty
person
Peter, James, and John
person
Paul
person
Be Broken Ministries
organization
Pure Sex Radio
media
1 Corinthians 6 and 7
other
Sam Joelman
person
John Mark Calmer
person
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