333: How to Stop Being Controlling in Your Marriage

In this powerful episode of The Empowered Wife Podcast, host Laura Doyle welcomes Elijah, the husband of guest Stella, to share his raw and transformative journey through a marriage marked by control, shame, and addiction. Elijah recounts how his struggle with pornography—rooted in childhood trauma—created a cycle of guilt, rage, and emotional distance, exacerbated by his wife's attempts to 'fix' him through constant disclosure and control. He describes feeling emasculated, like a 'little boy in trouble,' and trapped in a dynamic where he was both perpetrator and victim. The turning point came when Stella began practicing the six intimacy skills, particularly relinquishing control over his life, finances, and personal struggles. This shift allowed Elijah to reclaim his masculinity, lead with confidence, and experience true healing. He shares how this change not only restored intimacy but also enabled him to pursue a long-abandoned dream of playing professional basketball, a journey that brought deep emotional healing. Today, their marriage is defined by mutual respect, emotional safety, and a partnership where both are free to grow. Elijah's story is a testament to the power of releasing control, not just for the wife, but for the husband, who thrives when trusted and empowered to lead. The episode concludes with Laura's 'Try It Tonight' takeaway: relinquishing inappropriate control. She challenges women to identify one area of their husband's life they feel the urge to manage—his choices, habits, or appearance—and instead ask, 'What am I afraid of?' This simple act of self-reflection can break the cycle of control and create space for a husband to step up, lead, and grow. The episode is a profound reminder that true intimacy is not built on fixing or managing, but on trust, respect, and shared vulnerability. Elijah's courage in sharing his story—both his pain and his progress—offers hope and practical insight for any couple navigating the complexities of marriage, healing, and personal transformation.