496: Should Therapists Express Their Feelings? Freud's Huge Error! Featuring Matt May, MD

In this powerful episode of the Feeling Good Podcast, Dr. Rhonda Barovsky and Dr. David Burns are joined by Dr. Matt May to explore a transformative yet controversial topic: whether therapists should express their feelings during sessions. Drawing from a deeply personal story, Matt recounts how saying 'I feel scared' during a heated session with a patient’s angry husband instantly de-escalated the situation, revealing the profound healing power of authentic emotional disclosure. The conversation unpacks the historical roots of the 'blank screen' model in Freudian psychoanalysis, which discouraged therapists from showing emotion, and challenges this outdated paradigm. Instead, the hosts advocate for the strategic use of 'I feel' statements—expressing vulnerability not as weakness, but as a source of connection, empathy, and therapeutic breakthrough. They emphasize that expressing feelings like fear, sadness, or concern (rather than blame-laden ones like 'I feel controlled') can disarm defensiveness, foster mutual understanding, and model healthy self-expression for patients. The episode also addresses the delicate balance of emotional honesty, cautioning against sharing feelings of attraction or hopelessness, which can blur professional boundaries or undermine the patient’s sense of hope. Through real-life case examples—including a patient with love addiction and one with disturbing fantasies—the hosts illustrate how expressing genuine, carefully framed emotions can catalyze profound change. The discussion concludes with a reflection on the universal human struggle to be vulnerable, not just for therapists, but for all of us in relationships. Key takeaways include: 1) Vulnerability through 'I feel' statements can be a therapeutic superpower, not a liability; 2) The 'blank screen' model is outdated and counterproductive; 3) Expressing feelings like fear, sadness, or concern (not blame) fosters connection; 4) Therapists should avoid sharing feelings of attraction or hopelessness; 5) Authentic emotional expression models healthy communication for patients; 6) The goal is not to vent, but to deepen the relationship; 7) Sharing negative feelings with admiration and respect can lead to breakthroughs; 8) Emotional honesty requires skill, timing, and self-awareness. The episode ends on a warm, humorous note, reinforcing the hosts' belief in the power of genuine human connection.