'I Was Told the Problem Was Me’: Raising My Autistic Daughter

Catherine Simpson, author and journalist, shares her deeply personal journey of raising her autistic daughter Nina in her memoir 'Hold Fast, Motherhood, My Autistic Daughter and Me'. The episode traces her decade-long struggle to understand Nina's differences, during which she was repeatedly told the problem was her parenting—despite her unwavering love and effort. From early sleepless nights and social isolation to being gaslit by professionals who dismissed her concerns, Catherine recounts the emotional toll of being blamed for her daughter’s struggles in a time when autism in girls was poorly understood. The turning point came at age 10 when Nina was finally diagnosed, not through a single moment of revelation, but through a medical doctor who recognized the masking behavior that had hidden Nina’s true self for years. This diagnosis brought both relief and rage—relief at finally having answers, and rage at the years of misdiagnosis and systemic failure. Catherine reflects on how the world’s understanding of autism has evolved, especially through social media and autistic voices, and how her own parenting philosophy shifted from trying to 'fix' Nina to advocating for her. She emphasizes the importance of acceptance, joy in small moments, and the need for parents to live full lives of their own. The episode ends on a hopeful note, celebrating Nina’s achievements—from university graduation to becoming a confident public speaker—while underscoring the enduring bond between mother and child. Key takeaways include: 1) Trust your instincts as a parent, especially when professionals dismiss your concerns; 2) Autism in girls is often masked and underdiagnosed, requiring deeper understanding; 3) The diagnosis is not an endpoint but a beginning—a tool for advocacy and self-understanding; 4) Avoid comparing your child to others; 5) Focus on joy and connection over perfection; 6) Let go of the need to control; 7) Your child’s happiness is not your responsibility, but your love and presence are essential; 8) You are not alone—community and shared stories are powerful.