Which Green Guy is the Best to Be? with Lauren Bonner
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The podcast dives into a delightfully absurd yet surprisingly philosophical question: 'Which green guy is the best to be?' Hosts Joel, Jackson, and comedian Lauren Bonner explore a surreal taxonomy of green entities—from the Decepticon fusion monster Devastator to the alligator with a human brain, the Grinch, and even the sexy green M&M. The conversation spirals into existential comedy, examining identity, instinct, and the lived experience of being a creature with a green hue. At its core, the episode argues that the 'best' green guy isn't defined by power or fame, but by the ability to thrive in one’s own skin—whether that’s an alligator navigating swamp politics, a Grinch who’s learned to love Christmas, or a candy character who must resist cannibalizing their own wife. The real punchline? Lauren Bonner’s live comedy show in Melbourne, where she performs as the sexified green M&M—turning the podcast’s whimsy into a real-world spectacle. The episode is less about answers and more about the joy of imagining what it means to be someone else, even if that someone is a sentient, chocolate-covered, human-armed candy with a wife and a death roll problem.
The best green guy to be isn’t the most powerful, but the one whose lived experience feels most authentic—like an alligator with a human brain navigating swamp society.
Being a Grinch isn’t about hating Christmas—it’s about the freedom of being hated, then becoming loved after a redemption arc.
The sexy green M&M is the ultimate choice: beautiful, married, and capable of cannibalistic temptation—perfect for a comedy show with audience participation.
Alligators lack salt glands and can’t survive in the ocean—so don’t bring one to the beach unless you’re ready to hose it down.
The Grinch’s heart isn’t small because of a flaw—it’s biologically small, making his hatred a form of ableism, not just a character trait.
…and 3 more takeaways available in PodZeus
The Green Guy Question: A Listener’s Cosmic Query
The hosts introduce the episode’s central question—'Which green guy is the best to be?'—submitted by listener McKenna the Mid on Discord. They clarify it’s not about power or popularity, but about the lived experience of being a green entity. The question opens a door to absurd, philosophical, and deeply comedic speculation.
Devastator: Six Trucks, One Big Ego
The team dissects the Transformers’ Devastator—six Decepticon vehicles fused into one giant. They debate leadership roles (right leg as leader?), the psychological toll of six personalities in one body, and the absurdity of being a cement mixer with a working-class soul.
Voltron: Where Do You Want to Be in the Fusion?
The hosts imagine being a part of Voltron—choosing between head, chest, neck, or even the taint. They explore the absurdity of being a ‘taint tank’ or the ‘nuts’—a weak point with a surprisingly fun name. The discussion turns to physicality and personality, inspired by Commedia dell'arte.
The Alligator with a Human Brain: A Swamp Existential Crisis
“I don't have alligator instincts. And especially in the context of getting an alligator wife, all of the other alligators know what to do. Dude, you gotta focus on food before you can focus on getting an alligator wife.”
The Grinch: Hating Christmas Is a Lifestyle
“I'm the green guy. It's like when I was an alligator with a man's brain. I think that's fine. But I love that you're like, it's good to be the Grinch because I can then be a who?”
“You're going to eat your wife and then you're going to eat your wife. Oh no! It's my delicious little wife. You get a little too excited, all of a sudden you're neck deep. I killed my wife.”
“am the green guy. It's like when I was an alligator with a man's brain. I think that's fine. But I love that you're like, it's good to be the Grinch because I can then be a who?”
“I don't have alligator instincts. And especially in the context of getting an alligator wife, all of the other alligators know what to do. Dude, you gotta focus on food before you can focus on getting an alligator wife.”
Hosts
Guest
Jackson
person
Joel
person
alligator
other
Lauren Bonner
person
green m&m
product
M&Ms
product
Grinch
other
Devastator
other
Voltron
other
Melbourne International Comedy Festival
other
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