S16 Ep866: Masters of the Universe (1987) REDUX
The 1987 *Masters of the Universe* isn’t just a bad movie—it’s a deliberate act of cinematic sabotage, a fever-dream collage of bad decisions stitched together by the financial wreckage of *Superman* and *Quest for Peace*. The We Hate Movies crew unleashes a blistering, unhinged takedown of the film’s absurd logic, where a cosmic key that can open time portals is used to find a microwave, and the real story is a love triangle between Kevin Corrigan and Julie, not the fate of Eternia. Dolph Lundgren’s Swedish accent becomes a punchline, Frank Langella’s Skeletor is a goth orgy guy in a skeleton suit, and the replacement of Orko with a grotesque, gill-slitted creature named Gwildor is framed as a betrayal of the franchise. The film’s fake time units—'0.61 chromons until moonrise'—aren’t just meaningless; they’re a psychological torture device designed to disorient the audience. What emerges isn’t a superhero film, but a 120-minute parody of Hollywood’s creative bankruptcy, where even the villains seem to be on a budget. The climax is a 20-minute slog of god-complex monologues and a golden helmet so ridiculous it feels like a joke written by a 12-year-old. Yet amid the chaos, the hosts find a strange, unintentional brilliance in the post-credits stinger—Frank Langella rising from pink water like a cursed spirit from a fever dream. The real villain?
The 1987 *Masters of the Universe* was funded by the box office failures of *Superman* and *Quest for Peace*, making it a financial and creative disaster.
Frank Langella’s Skeletor performance is the only thing keeping the film from being completely unwatchable, despite its absurdity.
The film’s real protagonist is Kevin Corrigan, whose love story with Julie is the only narrative that gets developed—He-Man is a background character.
Courtney Cox’s character regresses from a rebellious outsider to a passive romantic foil, making her the film’s most tragic and underdeveloped character.
The cosmic key can open time portals, rendering the movie’s time constraints meaningless and creating a major plot hole.
…and 4 more takeaways available in PodZeus
Welcome to Las Vegas & the 10-Year Star Trek Tour
The hosts kick off the episode with a promotional announcement for their live Star Trek podcast tour in Las Vegas, celebrating 10 years of The Nexus. They tease the upcoming shows on August 6th, 7th, and 8th, covering Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek Generations, and Star Trek First Contact.
The Film We’re Hating Today: Masters of the Universe (1987)
The hosts introduce the film they’re reviewing: Masters of the Universe, a 1987 box office failure that grossed less than $400 internationally. They set the tone for the episode with a scathing introduction to the film’s director, Gary Goddard, and the film’s troubled production.
Gary Goddard: The Director Who Directed Rides, Not Films
The hosts mock Gary Goddard’s career trajectory, highlighting his work on theme park attractions like T2 3D, Jurassic Park The Ride, and Star Trek: The Experience. They liken his career to being ‘moved to a different parish’ in Hollywood, suggesting he was a creative dead end.
The 12-Year Revisit: From Live Show to Studio
The hosts reflect on their previous live show review of the film in 2014, calling it a ‘not great recording’ due to the venue’s poor acoustics. They explain why they’re revisiting the film in studio: to do it right this time.
The Opening Sequence: Superman Homage & Visual Style
The hosts praise the film’s opening narration and visual style, noting that even the ‘shitty’ films of the era looked good. They highlight the Superman-like title sequence and score, which they believe was inspired by John Williams’ work.
“And I looked it up by the way, you bet your fucking ass pig boys going around the convention circuit. Of course he is. He's working the cons dude.”
“We are playing STLV. They are celebrating the 60th anniversary of Star Trek and it just so happens we are celebrating the 10th anniversary of The Nexus.”
“It's not what you're thinking. It's not what you're hoping for a situation like this in where an evil witch that looks like Meg Foster comes to trick you with sexual deeds.”
Hosts
He-Man
other
Skeletor
other
Dolph Lundgren
person
Frank Langella
person
Gwildor
other
lubick
other
julie
other
pig boy
other
teela
other
Cosmic Key
other
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